I keep climbing in my awareness of a basic principle in communication.  In the late 1990’s I attended a class on communication which introduced me to a fundamental lesson about basic human needs; people want to be seen, heard and understood. Once I embraced this as the basis for every conversation,  I then learned successful communication is 100% my responsibility.

I attended this communication session because I just began the process of a divorce and I was left wondering what I should have done differently. I realize my attitude and beliefs were developed over time and they were so deeply embedded I never questioned them.  I began to understand that when communicating I needed to adjust my brain to listen and question my attitudes and beliefs. I began to understand that my perspective is mine and others have their own perspective, adopting the attitude that both perspectives are legitimate would be a required change.

Starting with the fact that everyone needs to be seen, heard and understood, switched my brian from relying on my own perspectives. Conscious listening requires you to control your inner dialogue and allow the other person to express their thoughts without your filtering. This lead me to ask more questions, so I can really understand where the person is coming from.

The art of asking questions is a skill I have been practicing for decades and  I am still climbing!

What have you learned about communication, do you have a skill you are practicing?